Tuesday, 18 October 2011

sadness and anger

Today has been a weird day. Well, the last couple of days have been a bit weird. Sleep is coming in fits and starts, the dizzyness is still horrendous and I seem to be feeling sick more often than not, mainly after I've eaten. I am reckoning that the energy exerted to actually eat is wearing me out, because my jaw hurts and my tummy hurts instantly and I need a hot water bottle to alleviate the pain straight away.

I was supposed to be seen by the doctor yesterday to discuss whether I should go back to work (frankly, laughable, as I couldn't get out of bed) but when the time came for him to come round, nothing happened. I phoned the surgery (which costs me money as it's not a free or local number) only to be told they hadn't booked my appointment and no, I couldn't have another one as the doctor was on an emergency. Bloody typical. I let work know as soon as I knew, and asked if I could rebook the appointment only to be told no, I'd have to phone in the morning (today) and wait with everyone else. So I rang this morning, spent about £4 on trying to get through to them, and was told I had to visit the surgery as the doctor wasn't doing home visits. So in the end, I had to walk to the doctors, stumbling and falling over despite being able to hold onto R, and then had to wait for an hour to be seen.

By this point I was tired, in pain, dizzy, sick and I wanted to be at home resting. When I was finally called in, it wasn't the doctor I wanted to see (with my brain fog I couldn't remember if I'd asked to see my usual doctor) - this in itself was fine, nothing wrong with a new doctor as they may be more up to speed with my illness. As it stood, he wasn't. I asked if I could have some pain relief, as paracetamol and aspirin were not helping despite taking them up to 4 times a day, to which he said he wouldn't prescribe me anything stronger as he didn't want me to become addicted to them. I understand this, but the pain is ridiculous.

Then, he mentioned the gym. Just to recap, the doctor I saw last week mentioned that due to my weight, I should consider going to the gym, or swimming. I didn't make too much of a fuss about this last week, because I was hoping with rest I would feel better. This time however, having had to ask R to wash my hair for me because I couldn't bring my hands up to my head (!!!) - I was a bit angry, because he could see I was in pain (unable to take my coat on and off, etc) yet still mentioned going to the gym! R got annoyed, and said "How on earth is she supposed to bang out on a treadmill when she can't even walk down the road?" - I would have probably gone about it in a more subtle way but the sentiment stood. The doctor mentioned perhaps swimming, and to make sure I get fresh air each day. It's easier said than done. He was also very confident that it would get better...

Anyway, he signed me off for two weeks and asked me to come back then. Work seemed okay with it, I have sent them my medical certificate and time sheet to get paid next week, but they seem to suggest I won't get any sick pay? I asked, if I wasn't getting sick pay, would I get SSP, and they said they would find out for me, so fingers crossed.

Other stuff has annoyed me today, but that is for another time.

Soft hugs and stay bright.


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