the sad one.

Today hasn't been a good day. As I'm sure some of you know all too well, a lot of days are not good ones, but the horrible waves of sadness over me today has been overwhelming. I'm not really a hugely emotional person - I don't cry at a lot of things which others do, and I am reasonably stoic. It's quite funny considering I spent most of my teenage years tearing up at the smallest thing, but maybe since having M.E my priorities have changed.

I just feel utterly useless. I took a short walk to the shop this morning as I needed to get some milk and I just felt horrendously dizzy and sick. I was stumbling over my feet and I heard some people behind me remark that 11am was no time to be drunk. I was too tired and focused on getting home to respond. The kindness of a lady in the shoe shop made me feel better when I bought some slippers - some knitted ones with hearts on!

I'm starting to get worried about the work situation - my medical certificate runs out on Tuesday (when I'm due back in work) and I am worried about the consequences if I am not able to go in (which, in my current state, is completely ridiculous). I am going to see how I am on Sunday night and how I have been over the weekend, and then book a doctors appointment on Monday if I haven't improved.

I can't imagine this will go down too well. I spoke to the other girl who works in the same position as me and the week has been slow, so in some ways that is good - I'm not missing out on anything, but also bad because if there was two of us covering, maybe more would be approachable. I must not think too hard about things like this because it won't solve anything - it's only going to make things worse.

It's nearly 9pm and I'm going to go to bed soon.

Rest well xxx